Barbara's Blog

The Awakening Human Being - an interview

For those of you who want to know more about my new book  "The Awakening Human Being" which just came out in Denmark, here is an interview that Tim did with me that appeared in the Danish lifestyle magazine “Liv og Sjæl” in November 2009

Tim writes:

Barbara Berger’s new book “The Awakening Human Being – a Guide to the Power of Mind” presents the essence of her lifelong exploration of the nature of mind and consciousness. What does it mean to be awake? How do you wake up? And why should anyone want to be awake? And what is the connection between “The Awakening Human Being” and Barbara’s previous books like her bestseller “The Road to Power – Fast Food for the Soul” which is now published in 30 languages? These are some of the questions I asked Barbara one sunny afternoon in Copenhagen.

Question: What do you mean by “being awake”?

“Well it’s really very simple – and yet it seems to be the most difficult thing in the world for most of us to do. By waking up I mean, seeing reality as it actually is instead of getting lost in our stories about what life should or could be. When we wake up, we wake up to reality. We wake up to what actually is. When we wake up, we actually see and experience what is right in front of our noses – we experience this – with no filter.
   “Unfortunately most of us never actually do this. Most of us are living in a dream world – a world that is 100% imaginary – a world that is made up of our thoughts. And of course you can say – so what? What’s wrong with that? And well there’s nothing wrong with this unless your stories are making you unhappy.
   “Because of course here’s the crux of the matter. Reality, this moment, what is, just is what it is. Always perfect whole and complete and always exactly as it should be. How do I know that reality is exactly as it should be? Because it is…! We don’t have a choice here.
   “We only have problems when our thoughts and stories are so different from reality that we are actually resisting what is. When we resist what is, we suffer. The moment we resist this moment, we feel bad. This is the only suffering. If you didn’t resist this moment (whatever is happening) you would feel fine. And this is always true, even though for most of us, this is a pretty radical concept. (In fact, this is so radical that it is something most of us can meditate on for the rest of our lives!) 
   “So this is one of the things you find out when you start to wake up to reality. You start to see that yes – there is what is – and then there are your stories about what’s going on. You might have major resistance to what’s going on – or just a little resistance. But if you look closely, you will probably discover (unless you are enlightened) that yes, there’s usually a pretty big difference between reality (what’s actually going on) and your thoughts and stories. And this difference – this resistance to what is – is what makes us miserable – not reality. Why is this so? Because we can only experience our thoughts – that’s the way life works. We only experience our thinking (whatever our thinking is) - we never experience reality directly. Until of course we wake up!
   “When you discover this, when you actually begin to “see” and understand this mechanism, you are starting to wake up. And that’s what my new book is about. The book is about this process of waking up – and about what happens when we start to see that yes there probably is a big difference between our thinking and reality… Because the ramifications of this discovery are quite big – quite far-reaching. And when you see this, you also understand that up until now you’ve been living in a dream. That you were not really present, here and now. 
   “And that’s how it all starts. You get glimpses of reality from your sleep state. At least that’s my experience. And you start to see how seldom you are really present in this now moment. It’s really quite amazing. And then sometimes you really are present in this now moment – and that too is amazing.”
   “To sum it all up, I present the following five basic observations in the book:

1) The nature of mind is that thoughts arise and disappear.

2) There is often a difference between reality and our thinking.

3) There is a cause-and-effect relationship between our thinking and our experience. Thought is cause, experience is effect.

4) Unhappiness and suffering arise when our thinking is out of harmony with reality. In other words, we suffer when our thinking (thoughts) and reality do not match.

5) We can end our unhappiness and suffering (and experience more peace and happiness) by bringing our thinking back into harmony with reality.
Question: When you start to see that there’s a difference between reality (what actually is) and your thinking, what can you do when you discover that your thinking doesn’t match reality?
“If your thinking makes you happy, well then there’s no problem right? Just enjoy the movie right! But if your thinking makes you unhappy, afraid or worried, there are several things you can do. In my new book, I offer a wide range of tools you can use to bring your focus and your thinking more into harmony with reality. But basically there are 3 main options (all of which are discussed in detail in the book). 
   “You can:
1) Witness: You can just witness your thoughts and stories. You can just step back and watch the thoughts come and go and realize since you are the one who is watching and witnessing these thoughts (or stories), you can't be the thoughts or the story. Meditation is a good way to do this. Meditation helps us see the illusory nature of all our thoughts.
2) Question: You can question the thoughts or stories.  You can ask yourself – is this true? Is this story true? Or is it just some fairy tale about a future I can know nothing about?  In other words, when you are having thoughts that make you afraid or unhappy, you can ask yourself if what you are thinking is true. A good way to do this is to first write the stressful thoughts down on a piece of paper and then question them using the Work of Byron Katie. I find her method extremely effective when it comes to dealing with our catastrophic thinking.
3) Change your focus: Since we get to experience whatever we are thinking about and since whatever we focus our attention on grows in our experience, we can deal with stressful thinking by changing our focus. In other words, you can change your experience by substituting another thought or thoughts for the ones that are bothering you. Prayer is a good way to do this – or reading a spiritual text, for example something from the Bhagavad Gita or a chapter from Emmet Fox. And then spend some time thinking deeply about what you have just read. And finally, if you are too freaked out to do this, you can go for a run, or go for a cold swim, or watch a movie or do something to completely change the flow of your thinking. But whatever you do, don't dwell on the thoughts that are bothering you. (Because whatever you focus your attention on grows!)
   “In the book, I go into detail about how to use these various techniques to help you take control of your stressful thinking so you can wake up to reality, so you can wake up and be present now – and actually enjoy the wonders of this moment.” 
Question: Are you awake?
“Sometimes”. And then she adds, “I guess you could say I’m awake except when I’m not.”

 

Wise words from David Hawkins

I am a big fan of David Hawkins... and I'd like to share something from his new book "Healing and Recovery" which just came out. When he talks about healing - the basic concept is... we can only experience what we hold in mind… here's a bit of what he says.

 

“We cannot experience ‘asthma’ or ‘whatever the name of the illness’, but what do we experience? This is where the technique of radical truth comes up.

   “We go into the inner experience of the exact sensations and let go of resisting them. In effect, we will eventually disappear them through aligning with them by welcoming the inner experiences of sensations. At the same time, within mind we cancel any labels. We stop calling it ‘whatever’ and instead go into the inner sensation of it. The inner sensation may be a pressure – even the words ‘pressure’ or ‘whatever’ are labels and names. We cancel those again and again go into the core, the absolute essential of what we are physically experiencing, and then let go of resisting that experience.

   “The actual healing of the physicality of the illness is letting go of resisting the inner physical experience of it without any mental label. At the same time, in fact, we begin to cancel the mental label and replace it with the truth. We cancel by affirming, I NO LONGER BELIEVE IN THAT. I AM AN INFINITE BEING AND I AM NOT SUBJECT TO THAT. I AM ONLY SUBJECT TO WHAT I HOLD IN MIND.

   “The specifics of healing a particular illness consist of 1) letting go of resisting the sensory experience of it, 2) no longer putting names or labels on it, and 3) using no words at all. Welcome experiencing what you are experiencing in a very radical way and at the same time, 4) cancel the thought form and belief system, and 5) choose the energy field of Love, which heals."

Bollum talks to Barbara - the complete series

For those of you who missed the various Bollum talks to Barbara tracks... here's the complete series as they appear at the back of my new book "The Awakening Human Being". Enjoy! Love, Barbara

BONUS TRACKS

BOLLUM TALKS TO BARBARA

When you read the transcripts of conversations I sometimes have in my head (on the following pages) between the part of me that is waking up to reality and the part of me that is still confused, you will see that I’m just like Smeagol/Gollum in “The Lord of the Rings”.  Does this sound familiar?
 
Bollum talks to Barbara – about being productive

Bollum: You really should get up off your sofa Barbara and get to work. You’ve got books to write and things to do.
Barbara: But lying here is so blissful.
Bollum: Blissful? Who needs blissful, you’ve got to work! Be productive, make money, achieve! You can’t do that lying on your sofa!
Barbara: But lying here is so blissful! Isn’t that what the Spiritual Pathway is about anyway? Being present in the moment?
Bollum: Well you can do that when you get old.
Barbara: But I am old!
Bollum: Well not old enough.
Barbara: Well if I keep on waiting, I’ll be dead by the time I have time to enjoy the bliss of being here now.
Bollum: Oh come on girl. Pull yourself together. You don’t deserve to live unless you are productive.
Barbara: Really? You’re making me nervous.
Bollum: You should be with your work ethic! If everyone was like you the whole world would go under.
Barbara: Is that true?
Bollum: Sure it’s true. How will you ever get a big house on the beach?
Barbara: What do I need a big house on the beach for?
Bollum: Well it’s a sign of success and happiness.
Barbara: Is that true? What does a big house have to do with happiness? I’m feeling perfectly happy right now lying on my sofa.
Bollum: You’re hopeless.  You’ll never be a success.

Bollum talks to Barbara – about staring at a blank wall

Bollum: What are you doing Barbara?
Barbara: I'm sitting, looking at a blank wall.
Bollum: WHAT?
Barbara: And breathing...
Bollum: You're doing what?
Barbara: I'm meditating.
Bollum: Meditating? Sounds like you're wasting time to me. You should be doing something productive.
Barbara: I am.
Bollum: You call sitting and staring at a white wall doing something productive?
Barbara: Yes.
Bollum: What is productive about what you are doing?
Barbara: I'm watching my mind.
Bollum: Watching your mind? What good is that?
Barbara: Well it's helping me understand the nature of mind and this thing called life.
Bollum: You don't need to understand anything Barbara, all you need to do is get busy. That's the only way to achieve anything in this life.
Barbara: Are you sure about that?
Bollum: Of course I'm sure. How do you think famous people get famous?
Barbara: Why would I want to be famous?
Bollum: Everyone wants to be famous.
Barbara: Really? What good will fame do me or anyone else?
Bollum: Well then you can get on TV and people will listen to what you have to say.
Barbara: And what will I have to say if I'm so busy running around that I'm never present in this moment?
Bollum: OK OK, but right now, I think you've had enough of this staring at the white wall business for today. You can't do this every day... I mean what will people think?
Barbara: So now you want me to worry about what people will think?
Bollum: Of course! What people think is important. You don't want people to think you are weird. If anybody caught you sitting and staring at a white wall ... what would they think???

Bollum talks to Barbara – about making an impression

Bollum: You can't go meet such an important person looking like that!
Barbara: Looking like what?
Bollum: Like you look!
Barbara: What do you mean?
Bollum: Well you're wearing your old jeans and a sweater to begin with! And not very much make-up.
Barbara: What's wrong with my old jeans and a sweater—and with not wearing much make-up?
Bollum: Well you want to make a good impression don't you?
Barbara: What do my jeans and sweater and make-up have to do with making a good impression?
Bollum: Oh come on Barbara. You know you need to look "hip and trendy" to make an impression. Everyone knows that!
Barbara: Really? I thought people were interested in the energy you radiate and whether or not your presence is uplifting, loving and positive...
Bollum: I don't know about that, all I know is you'd definitely make a better impression if you were wearing your Armani jeans instead of your old Levis!
Barbara: You might be right, but if that's the case, I'm not sure I want to make such a good impression. If all people care about is my clothes and my make-up... well who needs it!
Bollum: But you've got to be realistic girl! That's the way the world is... I'm just trying to help you be a success out there...
Barbara: You are always talking about being a success... what about having integrity and being honest?
Bollum: Well that might sound good—but how far will it get you in this world?
Barbara: Well I don't know, but I'm sure going to give it a try.
Bollum: You're hopeless, hopeless! With your attitude, you might as well say goodbye to fame and fortune forever! I'm going shopping! Maybe I'll be able to find some decent clothes for you now that the sales are on!

Bollum talks to Barbara – about meeting people

Bollum: Barbara you really need to get out there and meet some new people.
Barbara: Really?
Bollum: Yeah girl, you can't just sit here by yourself all the time.
Barbara: I can't...
Bollum: No girl, you got to be social. You know. You got to get out there and meet people.
Barbara: I do?
Bollum: Yeah you do... Otherwise you'll never be happy.
Barbara: What does meeting other people have to do with being happy?
Bollum: Oh come on dear, you know that human beings are social animals.
Barbara: Do I?
Bollum: Sometimes you are so dense. Didn't you learn in school the importance of making friends and networking? That's what keeps society together.
Barbara: No I can't remember learning anything like that in school. In fact, I can't remember learning anything in school at all.
Bollum: Oh yeah, I forgot, you went to school in America. And all you do there is memorize stuff for tests.  Well anyway, here in Denmark where you now live, people learn the importance of socializing.
Barbara: They do? I don't find the Danes very social.
Bollum: No, you're right. Maybe that's why they teach it in school here. But we're getting off the subject. I just wanted to point out to you that you can't just sit on your sofa all day long and bliss out, you've got to get out there and meet people if you want to be happy.
Barbara: But I'm perfectly happy sitting on my sofa blissing out as you call it. What can other people give me that I don't already have?
Bollum: What can other people give you? Well they can give you happiness you jerk!
Barbara: Happiness? You mean that I need other people to be happy?
Bollum: Obviously. No one can be happy without other people.
Barbara: Really? That's an interesting thought. But is it true?
Bollum: Of course it's true.
Barbara: Well not in my experience. I've been with other people lots of times and felt absolutely miserable.
Bollum: Well that's your own fault my dear. You've got to learn to compromise and do what other people want you to do if you're going to be happy when you're with other people.
Barbara: Exactly... so why would I want to do that when I'm already perfectly happy sitting on my sofa blissing out all by myself. I don't need to compromise with anybody about anything to do that.
Bollum: Look I've got this great idea for you. I've just found this fantastic dating site for you on the Internet.
Barbara: Really?
Bollum: Yeah really. All you have to do is go online and I'm sure you'll meet all these fantastic men you can hang out with.
Barbara: And why would I want to do that? I'm still recovering from my last disastrous relationship!
Bollum: I know, but you've got to move on and have fun!
Barbara: But I am having fun sitting here on my sofa just blissing out.
Bollum: Look Barbara... all you have to do is click here... it's really easy...
 
Bollum talks to Barbara – about making a plan

Bollum: Barbara, you’ve got to take control of your life girl!
Barbara: Really?
Bollum: Yes really! What a question! If you don’t take control, things will get out of hand.
Barbara: Really? Is it true?
Bollum: Of course it’s true my precious. You have to get a grip and take charge of your life.
Barbara: I do?
Bollum: Of course you do.
Barbara: So what do you suggest?
Bollum: Well first of all you have to make a plan.
Barbara: A plan?
Bollum: You have to have a clear goal and make a plan on how to achieve it.
Barbara: Really? I’m doing just fine the way I am.
Bollum: Oh come on girl. Without a plan—without a clear roadmap as to how you are going to move forward in life—you’ll never get anywhere.
Barbara: But why would I want to go anywhere? I’m perfectly happy right where I am.
Bollum: How can you be perfectly happy right now? No one knows you, you’re not famous or rich or anything. You’re just a middle-aged woman who likes to lie on her sofa a lot. You’re an absolute nothing.
Barbara: Well it’s true I’m not rich or famous or anything and I do like to lie on my sofa a lot, feeling perfectly happy! So I can’t see why I need a plan.
Bollum: Well a plan will help you go somewhere.
Barbara: But I just told you, I don’t want to go anywhere.
Bollum: You seem to think everything’s perfect right here.
Barbara: Yes that’s true. Everything is perfect right here.
Bollum: Well I don’t see it!
Barbara: Obviously you don’t see it but I do!
Bollum: What’s so perfect about this moment?
Barbara: What’s not so perfect about this moment?
Bollum: Well you could have more.
Barbara: More of what?
Bollum: More of everything!
Barbara: And why would I want more of everything?
Bollum: Because then you’d be happy!
Barbara: But I told you I’m already happy!
Bollum: But how can you be happy with so little?
Barbara: What does “having stuff” have to do with happiness?
Bollum: Well you have to “have stuff” to be happy, everyone knows that.
Barbara: Really? That’s not my experience. In my experience, happiness is what I am.
Bollum: Oh now you’ve really lost me…
Barbara: Obviously!

Bollum talks to Barbara – about being single

Bollum: Everyone knows it's better to be in a relationship than to be single.
Barbara: They do?
Bollum: Of course. Why do you think everyone's trying to find a partner?
Barbara: I just read that 51% of the women in the US are now single. So there are more single women in the US than there are women in relationships... and there are 1,000,000 singles in Denmark (with a population of 5,000,000) and 200,000 singles in Copenhagen alone...
Bollum: Well just think how many women there are out there who are trying to find partners! It must be great for single men!
Barbara: Well what if they don't want partners?
Bollum: But of course they do.
Barbara: All 51% of them?
Bollum: Yes all 51% of them...
Barbara: You mean to say there isn't one woman out there who is happy being single?
Bollum: I doubt it very much.
Barbara: But you can't know for sure can you?
Bollum: Well I guess not—but how can anyone be single and happy at the same time?
Barbara: Well I'm single and pretty happy...
Bollum: Oh you... but you're so weird Barbara, you know that?
Barbara: Really? So I'm weird because I'm single and sometimes happy!
Bollum: Definitely. No one can find happiness without another person.
Barbara: But is that true?
Bollum: Absolutely.
Barbara: Well if what you are saying is true, it means that millions of women (and men too) are doomed to unhappiness for the rest of their lives because they don't have a partner.
Bollum: Yup! That's why I keep telling you to go online and find a partner, Barbara. It's important for your happiness!
Barbara: So what you are really saying is that my happiness depends on someone else?
Bollum: Yup that's exactly what I'm saying!
Barbara: And that my happiness has nothing to do with me?
Bollum: Well a little... I mean you've got to be a sweet person too...
Barbara: Oh... so now you're saying my happiness has a little bit to do with me...
Bollum: Well sometimes... but now you're twisting my words around. I just want you to go out there and meet a man and have some fun girl!
Barbara: But why do I need a man to have fun?
Bollum: Oh sometimes you are so dense girl—don't you read the women's magazines? You've got to have a man to have fun, that's all they write about... pick up any magazine and you'll see what I'm talking about...
Barbara: Yeah that's why I don't read women's magazines... I don't want my happiness ruined by their ridiculous ideas... they don't know what they're talking about as far as I can see. My happiness depends on what's going on in my head—not on any man...
Bollum: Oh there you go again with all this mind stuff. No wonder no man wants to be with you!
Barbara: What do you mean by that?
Bollum: Well you're always saying that your happiness is up to you...
Barbara: Well it is...
Bollum: Well what man could live with that! Men want women to make them happy! Any idiot knows that!
Barbara: Yeah... which is exactly why I don't want to hang out with most men...
Bollum: Oh you're hopeless... hopeless...
Barbara: Yeah me and all the rest of us single women!

Bollum talks to Barbara – about the financial crisis

Bollum: It’s just terrible. I don’t know what we’re going to do!
Barbara: About what?
Bollum: About the financial crisis, you nitwit… don’t you read the newspapers?
Barbara: Yes, I do read the newspapers…
Bollum: Well then you should know, this is a very serious situation, we could starve.
Barbara: Really?
Bollum: Yes my dear… STARVE!
Barbara: Well last time I looked (5 minutes ago), I had plenty of food in my refrigerator.
Bollum: Oh I’m not talking about now silly! I’m talking about the future.
Barbara: Oh I see. Well I don’t know about the future.
Bollum: Obviously, that’s why I think we need a plan.
Barbara: A plan for what?
Bollum: A plan to survive.
Barbara: Oh so you think we can make a plan to survive the financial crisis?
Bollum: Of course we can.
Barbara: Really? Well what do you think we should do Mr. WiseGuy—go out and force people to buy my books at gunpoint?
Bollum: Now you’re just being silly.
Barbara: Well what do you mean?
Bollum: Well first of all, you’ve got to start by saving.
Barbara: Really? What should I save? I don’t buy anything to begin with.
Bollum: Well you know, cut down on frivolous stuff like expensive make-up and designer clothes and travels to exotic places… you know.
Barbara: Well I don’t use expensive makeup or wear designer clothes or go on exotic travels to begin with… you know that… according to you all I do is bliss out on my sofa…
Bollum: Hmm.
Barbara: So what else can I do?
Bollum: You know this makes me really worried. There must be something you can cut down on?
Barbara: I’m sure there is.
Bollum: But you know the danger is with everyone cutting down on their consumption the whole economy will come to a standstill…
Barbara: Well that’s what they say but you know I was thinking that this slowdown must be good for the environment… you know with everyone consuming less…
Bollum: Oh come on!
Barbara: No I’m serious. Just think about how good this is for the environment. Factories are making less so there’s less waste and less CO2 emission and people are buying fewer cars and travelling less so there’s less CO2 emission and…
Bollum: I never thought about that…
Barbara: Well maybe you should. Maybe this so-called financial crisis is Mother Earth’s way of making a much needed adjustment.
Bollum: Really?
Barbara: Well if we can’t cut down on our ridiculous over-consumption and stop trashing the planet by ourselves, maybe Mother Earth is doing it for us.
Bollum: But what about all the people who are out of work and who might starve?
Barbara: Well maybe that’s Mother Earth’s way of telling us to get our act together and start taking better care of the planet and of each other too… instead of just reading fashion magazines and thinking about ourselves…
Bollum: Oh there you go again…

Bollum talks to Barbara – about making more money (again)!

Bollum: You should be making more money Barbara.
Barbara: That’s what you said last week.
Bollum: But it’s true, you should.
Barbara: More money than what?
Bolllum: More money that you’re making right now stupid!
Barbara: But I’m not.
Bollum: I noticed and it sucks.
Barbara: What sucks?
Bollum: The fact that you’re not making more money.
Barbara: Like how does it suck?
Bollum: Well we could starve.
Barbara: You said that before too.
Bollum: Well nothing’s changed and the world economy is going to the dogs!
Barbara: You said that before too.
Bollum: But you’re obviously not listening… I want you to listen!
Barbara: I am listening and you’re giving me a headache!
Bollum: Well it’s important!
Barbara: Is it important to give me a headache?
Bollum: No stupid, listening to me is important!
Barbara: Why is listening to you important, you’re driving me crazy.
Bollum: Well if you listen to me you might do something!
Barbara: I was doing something!
Bollum: Like what?
Barbara: I was having a good time.
Bollum: A good time—when the world is going under!
Barbara: Everything looks fine to me.
Bollum: You’re hopeless… If only I could talk some sense into you.
Barbara: Your idea of sense gives me a headache.
Bollum: But life isn’t a dance on roses my dear.
Barbara: No?
Bollum: Now stop being silly will you?
Barbara: I’m not being silly. Life looks pretty good to me… as far as I can see.
Bollum: You must be totally blind. Can’t you see what’s going on?
Barbara: Yes perfectly. I was sitting here having a perfectly good time until you showed up.
Bollum: Now you’re insulting my intelligence!
Barbara: Well what’s so intelligent about wanting me to overlook the beauty of this moment?
Bollum: You can’t just live on this moment.
Barbara: Really? I didn’t know there was any other option!
Bollum: Of course there is girl. You’ve got to be serious and make plans.
Barbara: I am serious and my plan is to be here now and enjoy the beauty of this moment.
Bollum: But a plan like that will get you nowhere.
Barbara: And where exactly should I go.
Bollum: Forward silly!
Barbara: Forward?
Bollum: You know, make more money so we’ll be secure and happy tomorrow.
Barbara: What about being secure and happy right now!
Bollum: You can’t live forever on that!
Barbara: Are you sure?

Bollum talks to Barbara – about finding a new relationship

Bollum: The guy you went out with the other night seems like a pretty nice man Barbara.
Barbara: Yes he was OK.
Bollum: Well that’s great.
Barbara: Why is that great?
Bollum: Because now you have someone you can be in a relationship with!
Barbara:  A relationship? Why would I want to be in a relationship with someone like him?
Bollum: Well you just said he was nice.
Barbara: What does nice have to do with it?
Bollum: Well you have to be with someone!
Barbara: I do?
Bollum: Yes woman. You can’t spend the rest of your life living alone.
Barbara: Really. Why not?
Bollum: Well it’s scary to live alone, you know that.
Barbara: What’s scary about living alone? I thought it was even more scary living with someone the last time I tried it!
Bollum: But that was your own fault woman. You were too stubborn, hanging on to your career and ideas like you did. You know you have to make compromises if you live with a man. You just can’t have everything your way.
Barbara: So I noticed.
Bollum: Yes you have to compromise if you want it to work.
Barbara: But is that really true?
Bollum: Of course it’s really true. Everyone knows that. You have to give up a lot of things to live in a relationship. How many times have I told you that?
Barbara: Well why would I want to do that? Give up the things that are important to me?
Bollum: Because that’s what people do.
Barbara: I can see that, but why would I want to do that?
Bollum: Because like I said, you can’t go on living alone.
Barbara: Why not?
Bollum: Well how will you manage?
Barbara: Manage? What do you mean by that? I pay my rent don’t I? And buy my own food. What does that have to do with being in a relationship?
Bollum: Well that’s OK for now, but what if something serious happens? Who is going to take care of you then?
Barbara: What about me?
Bollum: Well what if you can’t take care of yourself?
Barbara: Well I have friends and family and I live in a country where there is a support system for people who can’t take care of themselves.
Bollum: I know, but that’s not the same as someone who loves you.
Barbara: But isn’t that love?
Bollum: Hmm… well maybe it is, but that’s not the kind of love I was talking about. I was talking about the “man-woman” type of love silly. The kind of love that knocks you off your feet. You know the “one and only” kind of love that they sing about in the love songs.  You know the kind of love that really breaks your heart when it’s gone!
Barbara: Oh that kind.  Yeah I’ve tried that kind of love and it always makes me feel like I can’t breathe…
Bollum: Sometimes I just don’t understand you. You and your freedom! Can’t you see that if you had that kind of love, you’d be willing to sacrifice everything for it?
Barbara: Really?
Bollum: Yes really, with a man like that in your life, you could give up your career and everything and just let him take care of you for the rest of your life.
Barbara: And why would I want to do that? Why would I want to give up my career and everything that’s important to me for a man?
Bollum: Because that’s what women do silly!
Barbara:  I know but it sure doesn’t sound like love to me, it sounds more like suicide!

Bollum talks to Barbara – about improving this moment

Bollum: There are so many things you could do to improve this moment Barbara.
Barbara: Really? Like what?
Bollum: Well you could clean up the apartment and wash your hair and sort out the papers in your office and…
Barbara: Hold it, hold it, just hold it for a moment.
Bollum: And pay your bills and get ready for work tomorrow…
Barbara: Hold it, hold it… will you please!
Bollum: And exercise and …
Barbara: Will you please just give me a moment to say something.
Bollum: OK well what?
Barbara: OK well what does any of that have to do with improving this moment?
Bollum: Well improving yourself and your life is what this moment is for silly.
Barbara: Really?
Bollum: Yes really. What else could it be for?
Barbara: Well what about enjoying this moment for what it is?
Bollum: Oh there you go again.
Barbara: What do you mean?
Bollum: There you go again with all your talk about enjoying the beauty of this moment.
Barbara: Well what’s wrong with that?
Bollum: A lot. I mean what’s so great about this moment?
Barbara: A lot.
Bollum: Like what?
Barbara: Like for example we’re alive and this is it.
Bollum: Well you’ll be alive in the future and then that will be it.
Barbara: Can you be sure about that?
Bollum: Well hopefully for your sake!
Barbara: You’re always pushing me and trying to get me to get all worked up about tomorrow. Why can’t you ever get all worked up about today?
Bollum: Because today is so boring.
Barbara: Really?
Bollum: Yeah. The now is so boring, but tomorrow—well tomorrow will be just great if only you’d get busy preparing yourself for it.
Barbara: Really? It seems to me I’ve spent my whole life preparing for tomorrow and now I want to enjoy today.
Bollum: But what about success? What about getting fit? What about making your home a showcase? What about finding a man? What about…
Barbara: Yeah what about it? And what about now? What about this moment? What about just slowing down a bit and breathing into this moment? What about noticing the abundance and fullness of this! And this. And this!
Bollum: Yeah yeah yeah, there you go again. What good is anything of this going to do us? Can you tell me that?
Barbara: What good, well this is the Good! This is the Good I’m seeking. It’s right here.
Bollum: You are hopeless! Hopeless! What am I going to do with you?
Barbara: Hopefully nothing!
Bollum: Yeah… nothing. How can you be satisfied with so little?
Barbara: What do you mean? I have so much right now. In fact I have everything. All the wealth of the world belongs to me. You’re just so busy improving yourself that you never notice it!
Bollum: Look sweetheart, I just want you to be happy.
Barbara: But I am happy! That’s what I’ve been trying to tell you all along!
Bollum: But how can you be happy without a man and without being a success and without having money in the bank and without…
Barbara: What does any of that have to do with being happy?
Bollum: HELP!
 

 

Thanks for the love

I just want to thank everyone who came to our reception yesterday - what a love shower I got! Really nice way to spend an afternoon so thanks to everyone! And I also want to send my love to all the people who sent last minute messages and emails telling us they couldn't come because they were in bed with the flu! Get well fast and I hope we'll get to see you all another day soon. Love, Barbara

Every thought is an affirmation

When we understand the way the mind works and the cause and effect relationship between thoughts and our experience, we understand that every thought we believe is an affirmation. And especially that every thought we think and believe with conviction is a very powerful affirmation. So it turns out that we are all saying affirmations constantly every day of our lives when we tell our stories of what life is. We say “life is like this” and then we get to live it. We say “this is bad” and we get to experience it. We say “she shouldn’t do that” and we get to experience the stress that thought brings.  
   This means that we are all masters when it comes to saying affirmations. No one is better at saying affirmations than anyone else. We are all equal when it comes to experiencing our thinking and our beliefs! And there’s no mystery about it either. So if you previously believed that affirmations were some magical statements you could say which would change your life, you now know that this was just a misunderstanding, an innocent misconception. The fact is you have been saying affirmations all your life—and you have been experiencing the effects of your beliefs all your life. Nothing else is going on. So all you have to do if you want to know what your affirmations are is to look at what you are thinking and saying over and over again with conviction. These are your affirmations. So the real question is—what are you affirming! Do you really want to experience what you are believing and saying with conviction? Does what you are affirming have anything to do with reality? In other words, are your thoughts and beliefs true? Do they match the goodness of life that is available to you right now? Do they match what is actually going on in front of your eyes right here and right now—or are you somewhere off in fantasy land, projecting horror stories that are making you suffer for no reason at all?
   If that’s the case, if you have looked at your thinking and beliefs and found that they are causing you unnecessary suffering, then it's time to take a closer look at your thinking and question the beliefs that are out of harmony with reality. When you do this, you will begin to notice the goodness of life that is yours, right here and right now.

Of course the big question is how to do this... I try to answer this in my new book The Awakening Human Being...

 

You are invited to our book reception on Thanksgiving!

Dear friends,

I just want to thank you all for all your love and support while I’ve been sick. So many of you have written to me with your prayers and your good suggestions – it’s been just great. I am sure it really helped.
   And now I’m happy to tell you that yes I am feeling better! Not quite 100%, but a lot better! And I’m so thankful! SO THANKFUL.
   So I’d like to invite you all to a reception here in Copenhagen to celebrate my getting better and the release of our new book The Awakening Human Being – A Guide to the Power of Mind.  And what better day to give thanks – than Thanksgiving! So please come and give me a hug on Thanksgiving and let me give you a free book!
    We will be holding the reception on Thursday, November 26 from 4 pm - 7 pm at Café Kaffeplantagen & Vin, Classensgade 11, 2100 Copenhagen Ø.  (The cafe is just around the corner from our office on Kastelsvej).

Hope to see you soon.
Love, Barbara

Radio interview

Hi friends,

There's a new online service just launched here in Denmark where they interview writers about their new books and there's an interview with me talking about our new book The Awakening Human Being... so if you want to hear me (speaking Danish)... go to www.bogradio.dk...

Enjoy!

Byron Katies does the Work with Sauron, the Dark Lord by Tim Ray

My son, Tim Ray, wrote this hilarious spoof about Bryon Katie doing the Work with Sauron, the Dark Lord from the Lord of the Rings... and then he sent it to Byron Katie. Katie and her husband Stephen Mitchell loved it so much that they put it in their newsletter... so if you don't get Katie's newsletter, I thought I would share it with you! Enjoy!

Katie wrote:
Tim is my Danish translator. I hope you enjoy this as much as I did.

Tim wrote:
Dear Katie, I’m glad you like the spoof. Here’s how it came about. I’m a great Lord of the Rings fan and one night a few weeks ago I had this amazing dream. I dreamt that you were standing before one of the Black Riders (the Nazgul), who was looming ominously before you. Your response: ”Oh sweetheart, what a beautiful black dress! I love it!” The Black Rider then drew his big silver sword and advanced menacingly towards you. Your response: ”Oh wow, what a beautiful silver sword! And look at those beautiful symbols!” The Black Rider then pierced your heart with the sword, the blood came gushing out. Your response was: ”Oh wow, how wonderful, you’re killing me. So beautiful and all the blood… Oh sweetheart…” And then I woke up and wrote the spoof.
I guess The Work is really penetrating into the deepest reaches of my subconscious now. That’s what you get for translating A Thousand Names for Joy!
Blessings, Tim

Byron Katie does the Work with Sauron, the Dark Lord by Tim Ray

BK: So, sweetheart, read what you wrote on your Worksheet.
Sauron: This is really hard for me.
BK: I know, honey, and I admire your courage. So let’s hear it.
Sauron: I am frustrated and angry at all the Free Peoples of Middle-Earth - the elves, the dwarves, the men, and those annoying little hobbits, not to mention Gandalf the White and his fellowship - for consistently opposing my plans to become Lord of Middle-Earth. They should realize that I am the Master of the World and bow down to me. They should be my slaves. They should worship me and give me love, approval and appreciation. I want them to see that I am the greatest. They are weak, stupid, annoying, irritating. I never ever want to experience them rebelling against my plans again.
BK: So basically, that’s about it.
Sauron: [Laughing] I’m sure there’s more. But I ran out of space. This thing with the Free Peoples of Middle-Earth has been bugging me for thousands of years. In fact, ever since those blasted Numenoreans landed on the shores of Middle-Earth…
BK: I hear you. Okay, so let’s do the Work. Let’s look at what you’ve written, sweetheart. I heard you say that “they should realize that you are the Master of the World”.
Sauron: Yes.
BK: So “They should realize that you are the Master of the World” – is that true? [To the audience] See if you can find the place in yourself where you believe that someone in your life should realize that you are the Master of the World and bow down to you and worship you and do exactly what you want them to do. It could be someone you knew a long time ago or someone you know today. So, sweetheart, “They should realize that you are the Master of the World” – is that true?
Sauron: [Fuming] Yes!
BK: You answered so quickly.
Sauron: Yes, they should all bow down to me and realize that I am the Master of Middle-Earth!
BK: I hear you. And can you absolutely know that it’s true?
Sauron: [After a pause] Well…
BK: Well? What’s the reality of it, sweetheart? Do the elves bow down to you and say that you are the Master of the World?
Sauron: No.
BK: The hobbits? The dwarves? The Dunedain? And what about Gandalf the Wizard? Does he bow down to you and realize that you are the Master of the World?
Sauron: [sighs] No.
BK: So “They should realize that you are the Master of the World” – how do you react when you believe that thought?
Sauron: I get furious, angry, frustrated. I release my armies of darkness – the Black Riders, the orcs, the trolls, the werewolves and the bats on all the Free Peoples of Middle-Earth. I start a war and burn, hack, destroy, annihilate. It’s like my whole being is consumed by darkness. I get very focused and lose sight of everything else. It’s like I have only One Eye of malice, bent on destroying anything and everything that doesn’t do my will.
BK: Yes, sweetheart. The mind has a job. And that’s to give us all the stories that prove that what it thinks is true.
Sauron: It’s really quite horrible. I build all these defenses around myself, impenetrable walls of steel and mountains of horror. No one can get in or out. And yet all the time doubt keeps gnawing at my heart. What if someone really great and powerful, like Gandalf or Saruman or Aragorn or Galadriel gets a hold of the One Ring? That really worries me.
BK: Yes, I hear you sweetheart. So, whose business are you in when you believe the thought “They should realize that I am the Master of the World”?
Sauron: I can see that I’m mentally in their business.
BK: And how has that worked for you so far?
Sauron: It’s really quite hopeless. I’ve been trying for hundreds and thousands of years to bend them to my will. But they just won’t do it. I devised the One Ring to rule them all, but then they formed that blasted Last Allegiance of Elves and Men. And Isildur cut the Ring off my finger and I had to go into hiding for thousands of years. It was really depressing. And now the same thing is happening all over again. The One Ring has been found and I can’t seem to get a hold of it. The Riders of Rohan are proving more and more tenacious than I thought. Minas Tirith is still going strong. And the other day I realized that an heir of Isildur is still alive with the sword of Elendil reforged. That really worries me. I have trouble sleeping at night. I’ve started taking Valium. But none of it really works. It’s like a living nightmare.
BK: Yes. So can you find one stress-free reason to keep the thought?
Sauron: No.
BK: So, who would you be without the thought “They should realize that I am the Master of the World”?
Sauron: [After a pause] Hm. It’s… like a blank. I mean, I’ve been so used to that thought that it’s, you know, I really don’t know.
BK: So close your eyes for a moment. See Gandalf, Aragorn, the elves, the hobbits, the dwarves, the riders of Rohan, all the Free Peoples of Middle-Earth, just as they are. And you cannot believe the thought “They should realize that I am the Master of the World”. What do you see?
Sauron: [Taking a deep breath] Well, first of all I would realize that they don’t realize that I am the Master of the World. They just don’t. Never have and probably never will.
BK: I would drop the “probably”!
Sauron: Yes. And I would see that trying to get them to realize that I am the Master of the World is hopeless. So that would be a huge load off my back. Just seeing reality. And then I would be more realistic. I wouldn’t stress myself so hard all the time, constantly doing battle with reality. It feels more peaceful.
BK: So “They should realize that I am the Master of the World” – turn it around.
Sauron: They should not realize that I am the Master of the World.
BK: Okay, so give me three examples of where they should not realize that you are the Master of the World. Three genuine examples, and make them as specific as you can. [To the audience] I invite all of you to do this as well. [To Sauron] So, give me three specific, genuine examples.
Sauron: Well, at the Battle of the Pelennor Fields they sure as hell didn’t realize that I was the Master of the World! I mean none of them – the Dunedain of Gondor, the Rangers of the North, the Riders of Rohan, the sons of Elrond, I mean the list goes on and on.
BK: My goodness!
Sauron: And way back when the Valar, you know the Lords of the West, sent the Five Wizards – Gandalf, Saruman, Radagast and so on to help the Free Peoples in their struggle against me. The Valar sure didn’t think I was the Master of the World back then either.
BK: My goodness!
Sauron: And Saruman, that spineless worm, trying to get a hold of the One Ring himself and proclaim himself Master of Middle-Earth…
BK: That’s amazing.
Sauron: [Laughs] It’s amazing that I didn’t see something so obvious before!
BK: That’s what the mind does. It believes its story and then it finds all the proof. And in the end it can only see what it believes to be true, even though it isn’t. Okay, sweetheart, can you find another turnaround?
Sauron: I should realize that I am the Master of the World.
BK: Yes. And how are you doing in that department?
Sauron: [After a long pause] Well, I can see that actually I myself have some serious doubts in that department. Because, I mean hey, if I am really the Master of the World why can’t I get Gandalf and his lot to bow down to me and do what I want!
BK: Ah, you are good, sweetheart! So “You are the Master of the World” – is that true?
Sauron: [Starts to cry] No.
BK: And consider how you react when you believe that thought.
Sauron: It’s hopeless, hopeless. I mean I am totally in everybody else’s business, constantly trying to get them to do what I want. And it’s wearing me out. I don’t even have a physical body anymore. I’m just this one horrible lidless eye. I can’t sleep, I can’t eat. Mordor is a total mess – it’s no wonder they call it The Land of Shadow. All my employees have this total love-hate relationship with me. The orcs both worship and loathe me. Not to mention the elves and the dwarves. It’s pure hell.
BK: Who would you be without the thought “I am the Master of the World”?
Sauron: I would just give up. Give up the hopeless struggle to try to control other people. End the war. Close down the Dark Land of Mordor and Mount Doom. Let all the orcs and Black Riders and trolls go their own way. And then I think I would just go into retirement for a while. Walk in the fair woods of Lothlorien and smell the leaves and the wind, maybe go to the sea. Just watch and notice how I am not the Master of anything. How everything is doing just fine without me. But I have to admit I am little worried that after all the insanity, murder and destruction I’ve committed over the last thousands of years, it won’t be easy just to take a stroll in the wood or by the sea.
BK: Well, sweetheart, if you’re really serious about your freedom and peace of mind, there’s a quick route called “making amends”. Making amends means to right your wrongs. So turn the thought around.
Sauron: I am not the Master of the World.
BK: Could that be as true or truer?
Sauron: It seems much truer now.
BK: So, give me three genuine examples of how the turnaround is as true as or truer than your original statement.
Sauron: Well, I’ve tried for thousands of years now and I still can’t control the wind, the ocean, the sun and the moon. They just do what they do with or without my interference.
BK: Good, that’s one.
Sauron: Heck, I can’t even control my own slaves! You have no idea what a logistics nightmare it is to command tens of thousands of brain-dead orcs!
BK: Good that you’re noticing!
Sauron: And then there’s that slimy little creature Gollum. You have no idea how much I tortured him to get him to tell me the location of the One Ring, but he still wouldn’t budge. Talk about frustrating!
BK: Excellent, sweetheart. Make amends, make it right. And I see another turnaround.
Sauron: I am… the servant of the world?
BK: Yes. How are you the servant of the world?
Sauron: Well, what comes to mind is that without the thought “I am the Master of the World” I could actually be of service to the world. I mean, I am after all one of the Maia, at least as powerful or more powerful than Gandalf or Saruman or the Balrog or even Tom Bombadil. I can actually do pretty neat things when my mind is not hell-bent on destruction. You know, build things and make magic rings and stuff. I guess I could use those talents and skills for some more constructive purpose.
BK: It’s good that you’re noticing. So how can you use your specific talents and skills to serve the world – to serve the Free Peoples of Middle-Earth?
Sauron: Well, the first thing that comes to mind is that I have quite a bit of clean-up to do! You know, repairing the great gate and walls of Minas Tirith, cleaning up Osgiliath and Minas Morgul – or Minas Anor. There’s a lot of work to be done in Rohan as well and up north by the Lonely Mountain.
BK: Seems like you could be busy for quite a while making amends!
Sauron: Yes, And I could let Gandalf and the White Council destroy the One Ring, so that the other rings would no longer be enslaved to it and could do some more good in the world. Although that would probably mean the end of a lot of my negative power, since I put so much of that power into the One Ring.
BK: Well, what do you need all that negative power for if everything is going on quite fine without you?
Sauron: [Laughs] You have a point there. And it would be such a load off my shoulders.
BK: Yes. And isn’t that what you wanted to be Lord of the World for anyway? So you could sit down one day and take a deep breath and enjoy life?
Sauron: [Sighs deeply] Yes. You know I’ve never told anyone about this, but secretly I’ve thought a lot about joining D-Anon lately.
BK: D-Anon?
Sauron: Dictators Anonymous. I heard about it from Darth Vader. He’s been doing The Work and going to their meetings for quite a while. He says it’s really worked wonders for him. His breathing is a lot better now.
BK: Dictators Anonymous – I love it! Okay, sweetheart, let’s move on. Read the next statement on your Worksheet.
Sauron: The Free Peoples of Middle-Earth should worship me – and give me love, approval and appreciation. Man, that statement just seems totally absurd now! I mean, first I kill, murder, destroy and annihilate their people and their country – and then I expect them to give me love, approval and appreciation! Talk about insane!
BK: It’s good that you’re noticing. Turn the thought around.
Sauron: I should worship me and give me love, approval and appreciation.
BK: Yes, honey. That’s your job.
Sauron: It doesn’t feel like I’m doing a very good job.
BK: How can you? How can you give yourself love, approval and appreciation if you’re so busy minding every elf, dwarf and hobbit in Middle-Earth’s business?
Sauron: Phew. That one is a stinger. But so true. In a way I think that’s the reason why I tried to control them all along. Because I wanted their love, approval and appreciation.
BK: I often say that if I had one prayer it would be this: “God spare me from the desire for love, approval and appreciation”. Because this belief is the direct route to the hell of a false identity.
Sauron: It sure was for me.
BK: Let’s look at the next statement.
Sauron: The Free Peoples of Middle-Earth are weak, stupid, annoying, irritating.
BK: Turn it around.
Sauron: I am weak, stupid, annoying, irritating. That’s so true! I mean they’re all just doing fine minding their own business in Hobbiton and Minas Tirith and Rivendell and then I come raising hell. Saying that I am stupid, annoying and irritating is the understatement of the century!
BK: Yes, I can see that.
Sauron: And being such a control freak has definitely made me weak. I can’t sleep, I can’t eat, I don’t even have a body, I’m constantly worried, and I obsess.
BK: Yes. Okay, honey, the next statement?
Sauron: I never ever want to experience the Free Peoples of Middle-Earth rebelling against my plans again.
BK: So now, “I’m willing to…”
Sauron: I’m willing to…
BK: “… experience…”
Sauron: … the Free Peoples of Middle-Earth rebelling against my plans again.
BK: “I look forward to…”
Sauron: I look forward to the Free Peoples of Middle-Earth rebelling against my plans again. Whoa! That’s radical!
BK: Yes. Because when you believe and feel that – and feeling will let you know what you’re believing – then you can put your thoughts on paper and begin again to question your negative beliefs.
Sauron: Okay.
BK: Thank you, sweetheart, it’s been a privilege to sit with you. Nice Work.
Sauron: Thank you so much, Katie.
BK: For my part, you’re welcome. For your part, thank you.
 
 

New book out and launch party postponed!

Dear Friends,

The Danish edition of our new book The Awakening Human Being is out… and our publisher here in Denmark has really done a wonderful job in presenting the material. (Many thanks to Lindhart & Ringhof.)

And to celebrate, we wanted to invite everyone to a launch party here in Copenhagen, but I’ve been sick. So the party is going to have to wait until I get better! We’re not cancelling the party, we’re just postponing it! So it’s not going to be a launch party, but an “after” launch celebration… so we hope you will all come when I’m better. 

In the meantime, please send me all your prayers. I would appreciate it so much. In case you’re wondering, I have this ear condition. The hospital diagnosis for those who are interested is “perilymphatic fistula” and “BPPV” (benign positional paroxysmal vertigo). The result of this condition is that I am dizzy. I’ve had the condition on and off since 2003 and it’s flared up again. The hospital believes I’ve opened the fistula (a small tear in the inner ear) again when I went swimming in August. So now I have to sleep with my head up (sitting up) and keep still so the fistula can heal again. So yes, please send me love and light!

Also I just want to say to all the people who had sessions with me that I have had to cancel, I hope I’ll be back soon, but remember Tim does sessions too and I can tell you he’s a great  facilitator (he’s really helped me a lot with my issues).

Well friends, hope to see you soon at our party!

Love, Barbara

PS: About the book: The Awakening Human Being – A Guide to the Power of Mind is a presentation in written form of our basic teaching. When writing it, I tried to put down as concisely as possible the teaching that Tim and I have developed over the years. Tim likes to call the book “our greatest hits”!

What can you do with stressful thoughts or stories?

When you realize you are having stressful thoughts about something or someone or are caught up in thinking about something that is highly unpleasant, what can you do about it? In other words, when you can see that whatever you're thinking about at the moment is causing you to feel unhappy, afraid, or worried - what can you do?

Well besides believing your stressful thinking (and then experiencing the feelings that arise when you believe whatever it is you are worried about), there are basically 3 options:

1) Witnessing: You can just witness the thought. You can just step back and watch the thoughts come and go and realize since you are the one who is watching and witnessing these thoughts (or this story), you can't be the thoughts or the story. Meditation is a good way to do this.

2) Questioning: You can question the thought or story. Is it true? When you have thoughts that make you afraid or unhappy, ask yourself if what you are thinking is true. A good way to do this is to write the stressful thoughts down and then question them using the Work of Byron Katie. For more about the 4 questions see her Web site - www.thework.com

3) Change your focus: Since whatever you focus your attention on grows, you can deal with stressful thinking by changing your focus. In other words by substituting another thought or thoughts for the ones that are bothering you. Prayer is a good way to do this. Or you can read a spiritual text that you like such as something from the Bhagavad Gita or a chapter from Emmet Fox and then think deeply about what you have just read. And finally, if you are too freaked out to do this, you can go for a run, or watch a movie or do something to change the flow of your thinking. But whatever you do, don't dwell on the thoughts that are bothering you. (Because whatever you focus your attention on grows!)

I use each of the above - depending on the situation. I suggest you give each of them a try. They all work beautifully if you are persistant!