Barbara's Blog

Your inner child

Are you in touch with your inner child? That part of you that is pure innocence? Do you ever talk to her or him? You know you can...

I'm fascinated by "inner child" work - finding and contacting that part of ourselves that we may have left behind in our mad rush to be grown ups. I find that when I make up my mind to contact my inner child, she's right there - just waiting for me. In fact I've discovered she's been waiting for me for years!

When you start talking to your inner child, you might find that he/she's sad, or afraid, or angry or confused and that he/she really needs you to take him/her by the hand and explain things to her and to hold her and love her... And when you do this... it often changes your life and how you perceive yourself today. Interesting work indeed.

If you've ever tried this, I'd love to hear your experiences....

Being here now

Can you just "be here now"? Just for a few moments. Can you bring yourself back to this present moment and just rest here and be with yourself for just a few moments. If you haven't tried this, I recommend it highly. Why? Because the present moment is the only place to "be". Actually it's the only place we can "be". The only place there is... the only place possible. But we often miss the magic of the present moment because we're so busy worrying about the future or dwelling on past events... both of which are only thoughts in our minds.

So take a minute right now and notice where you are "living". Are you "here now"? Or are you off somewhere in some dream about tomorrow or yesterday? And if you find yourself far away... try bringing yourself back to this moment and check it out. See how it feels. Take a look.  Notice. Breathe. Let yourself "be here now"... if only for a few minutes. It can be a very surprising and rewarding experience, coming back to now. In fact, it's magical... full of wonder and mystery... You might even find it's the only place worth "being"!

Comments in Danish or Swedish

Dear friends... please don't be afraid to post your comments in Danish or Swedish. As you know, I live in Copenhagen and speak Danish (and some Swedish) - but I write in English! But if you would like to make a comment in Danish or Swedish please do!

Feeling Fragile?

Is it OK to feel fragile? What do you think? Especially in this day and age when we're all so hyped about being "effective" and "productive". What about being fragile? Isn't it a bit hard to get your head around that one? I know it is for me. But what's the reality! We do feel fragile at times - or at least I do! What about you? Do you ever feel fragile? And if you do, how do you tackle feeling fragile? Do you do everything in your power to get over the feeling as fast as possible? Or do you look for the hidden gifts that fragility might be bringing you? I'd really like to know... so tell me if you have time - and if you dare.

Let's talk about happiness

With all this talk about happiness, I think I better explain what I mean when I talk about living a happy life. As far as I can see, there are two kinds of happiness. There's the happiness we experience when we succeed at something, win something, feel healthy, do good at our jobs, enjoy our partners and children, etc. This type of happiness is based on outer circumstances and events and people - and of course this kind of happiness is fun and lovely. The problem with this kind of happiness is that when things change or people change or our circumstances change, the happiness disappears. As long as we are aware of this, it's OK and we can enjoy this type of happiness for what it is.

The other type of happiness is the happiness I am writing about in my new book. It's the happiness that is our true nature - it's the nature of life itself - and since this type of happiness is not based on any outer circumstances or people or events, there is nothing we can do to gain it and nothing we can do to lose it either. This happiness is what we are - it's our true nature. To experience this type of happiness, all we have to do is stop up and be present. When we do this, this blissful state (which I am calling happiness) is our reality. It's the experience of being here now and it's totally peaceful, relaxing and enjoyable.  The problem for most of us is that we're so busy projecting into the future or living in the past that we miss the happiness which is right here right now and which is our true nature. In my new book I try to give some suggestions as to how we can bring ourselves back to this present moment and e xperience this kind of happiness.

Are You Happy Now?

If the answer is yes - cool! And if it's no, you might want to stop for a moment and ask yourself why? What is actually preventing you from being happy right this moment? What's standing in the way of the amazing bliss and joy of this very moment, of being you right here and right now?

Stopping like this for a moment and doing this is an amazing mind exercise because whenever you do this, whenever you really stop up and breathe in this moment in all its wonder and splendor, you always find - always - that the only thing that is preventing you from experiencing the happiness of this moment is some thought/some story about what 'should' or 'shouldn't' be happening.  Nothing else is going on. Ever...

And what happens if you drop the story, for a moment? And just let yourself be... NOW?

What about planning ahead?

Lots of people say planning ahead is a good idea and so important. I don’t agree at all. In my experience, planning ahead is a bad idea. Why? Because things change – and as you all know – that is just the way of it. I know there are some raised eyebrows out there when I say planning ahead is a bad idea, so I will assure you right away that I realize some planning is absolutely necessary for survival in our world. Yes I do realize that.  I’ve had my own business for many years so I understand the importance of good planning, proper scheduling, meeting deadlines, delivering assignments, paying bills and salaries, and all that practical stuff. When I talk about planning ahead, I’m not talking about your basic business and family stuff that simply has to be done. What I’m talking about here is all the optional stuff like making choices about the future or for an unknown future that you believe is somewhere out there waiting for you.

Experience has taught me that if I want to live a happy life, I shouldn’t commit to anything in the future unless I absolutely have to or I am absolutely 100% sure about the matter. Why do I say this? Because when I stay in the moment, I find that the flow has its own inner knowingness about what’s right for this now moment – and it’s best to stay tuned to that and forget the rest. You can call it listening to your inner voice or being awake in the moment or feeling out situations or whatever you want to call it. But the reality is that every moment is unique and things change. I change. You change. Feelings change. The weather changes. Your kids change, your parents change, your partner changes. Quite simply, there’s nothing that doesn’t change, which makes committing to doing something far ahead in some unknown future risky business. I usually get in trouble when I do this because from the day I committed to the day the thing goes down, a hundred and one things can and do happen. And when the day in question dawns, everything looks quite different and chances are I don’t feel anything like I did on the day when I committed! Then I wake up feeling trapped instead of happy! Bad judgment!

I’ve done this so many times that one of my most important rules for keeping my life simple and happy is to stop planning for some imagined future.

What about airline tickets? One of my friends says Barbara if you don’t book now the tickets will cost ten times as much. Especially if you like to wait to the very last moment like I do. And this is true. The closer you get to departure date, the more expensive tickets are. The same goes for booking holidays and stuff like that. Which is why I tend to stay home a lot. I simply don’t want to commit. And that’s my right and privilege as a human being. To not commit and stay home and make up my mind at the very last minute! And if that’s what it takes for you to live a happy life, I suggest you do it too!

On the radio in San Francisco

For my friends in the San Francisco area, I'll be on the radio for one hour on March 8th. KEST 1450 - Live an Intentional Life with Dr. Kathleen Hall. The time is 7 am Pacific Time.

I want to be old

Everybody wants to be young. But you know what I found out? I want to be old! Why? Because I AM OLD! You see I found out that we get to live reality whether we like it or not - and my reality is I'm old. That's it. Nothing I can do about it. If I don't want to be old, what do I get? I get stress. I get to feel unhappy, miserable. So I found out that for me happiness is wanting to be old! Don't you just love it? The way our minds work? And the best part of it is - reality doesn't care what we think!