Barbara's Blog

When were you most happy?

One day when I was really in crisis, my son Mark asked me, "When where you most happy in your life Mom?" It was a mind-boggling question that really got me thinking. Now that I've lived for 62 years, I went back through my life and tried to answer his question. Surprisingly enough, it wasn't difficult for me to find the time in my life when I was most happy. Once I did that, I decided to make a list of all the qualities that made that time so special and happy for me. It was a really interesting excercise you might want to try.

First of all - ask yourself when was the best time of your life. When were you most happy? Then try to discover all the reasons why you were so happy then? What was so special about that time and about you? How did you view life then as compared to now? What were you doing as compared to now? What were your thoughts about life then as compared to now? What did you believe then? Be honest with yourself...

One of the things I found out was that I was most happy when my mental energy was the high and when my focus was clearly on the Good.

The story that works best for me is from Emmet Fox: "God is the only Presence and the only Power. God is fully present here with me, now. God is the only real Presence - all the rest is but shadow. God is perfect Good, and God is the cause only of perfect Good. God never sends sickness, trouble, accident, temptation, nor death itself, nor does He authorize these things. We bring them upon ourselves my our own wrong thinking. God, Good can cause only Good."

I discovered when I stick to this, I am fine. What did you discover?

Comments in Danish or Swedish

Dear friends... Once again I'd like to remind you that you are most welcomed to post your comments to my blog here in Danish or Swedish if it is difficult for you to write in English. As you know, I live in Copenhagen and speak Danish and understand Swedish - but I write in English because English is my native language! But if you would like to make a comment in Danish or Swedish please do! The reason I say this is that I get email comments and questions in Danish and Swedish sent to me at info@beamteam.com which I answer... so you can also post them here on the blog if you want to. Lots of love, Barbara

Dear friends... Once again I'd like to remind you that you are most welcomed to post your comments to my blog here in Danish or Swedish if it is difficult for you to write in English. As you know, I live in Copenhagen and speak Danish and understand Swedish - but I write in English because English is my native language! But if you would like to make a comment in Danish or Swedish please do! The reason I say this is that I get email comments and questions in Danish and Swedish sent to me at info@beamteam.com which I answer... so you can also post them here on the blog if you want to. Lots of love, Barbara

Does pain and suffering make us wake up?

Apropos the "hidden gifts" I wrote about when something so-called "bad" happens - does that mean that pain and suffering make us wake up? Is that how it hangs together? Well if you look at your life and the reality of things, it often seems so. At least it sure does for me. In my experience, everytime I'm in pain (physical pain) or suffering (mental suffering), I am shouting inside "why, why, why". Isn't that what you do? Don't you ask yourself - why? Why? Why is this happening to me? Why does this hurt? What's the meaning of it? What can I do about it? Am I doing something wrong?

Every seeker I've ever met has been in some kind of pain (physical) or has been suffering (mentally). Every single one of them. I can't think of a single person who has started seeking and asking deeper questions about life and the nature of reality who had the "perfect life" - the "perfect relationship, the perfect job, the perfect house, the perfect body, the perfect car, the perfect children, the perfect amount of money".  So is that the deal? Pain and suffering are the wake-up call, the kindness of the universe saying "my dearest child, you've got it all wrong, you're heading full speed into that brick wall up ahead, so why not slow down and take a look within?" Is that what all the pain and suffering is saying to us? And are we really listening?

Is life dangerous?

So you're working on making friends with your inner child and trying to comfort the litte one inside you - that part of you that you have perhaps neglected in your mad rush to grow up. And then you find that the little one is afraid because he/she believes, for example, "life is dangerous". And you try to comfort the fragile little one inside you and tell him/her that - well - "life isn't dangerous". But somehow it doesn't ring true. Or you just can't do it, because you find, to your great dismay, that you (the grown-up you, the mature you) has the same belief. You too believe that "life is dangerous" so you're just as afraid as your inner child!

Then what do you do? The only thing we can do is investigate this belief and see if it's true. Maybe it is and maybe it isn't. But before we can even investigate this belief, we find we have to define what we mean by "dangerous"... and so it begins... the unraveling of our most basic beliefs about life. I have a whole section in my new book "Are You Happy Now? 10 Ways to Live a Happy Life" where I try to investigate the belief that so many of us have that "life is dangerous". (See chapter 10).  One of the things I discovered when I tried to explore this thought for myself was that we can't think life is dangerous if we don't think death is dangerous! Interesting isn't it!

Here's what I mean...

... about finding the hidden gifts. In 2003, I suddenly had a serious problem with my ear. Something was wrong with my ear and it made me so dizzy that I couldn't work for almost a whole year. It was very frightening because it took a long time before the doctors found out what was wrong with my ear. Since I couldn't work, we lost a lot of our clients which was also scary.

And I have to admit, it took me quite a while to discover the hidden gifts in this situation. But slowly slowly I began to find them. First of all and most obvious, it slowed me down! In fact, it made me stop what I was doing completely and reconsider a lot of things about the way I was living. And it made me a lot more humble! Yes, I hate to admit it, but it's true. It was a truly humbling experience to see how life does what it does and that's just your reality. Things happen and you don't always know why or have control and that's the just the way it is. And all of this made me much more compassionate - and understanding of how it must be for other people who are facing difficulties or are handicapped. And there is more... in fact I keep discovering them! (Yes I still have this ear problem.)

And yes, the hidden gifts of this problem have really changed me and my life...

Can you find the hidden gifts?

OK so something "bad" happens to you. Something you find sad, shocking, unpleasant - something you didn't expect or don't want. But it's happened. And that's your reality. So what are you going to do about it? Are you going to stamp your feet, cry, have a fit, moan and groan, complain and just generally beat yourself up about what just happened... or can you find the hidden gift or gifts this experience is bringing you? It's a really interesting experience and experiment you could say. Pick something that happened to you that you consider really "lousy". Something you definitely didn't want or like. Like losing your job or getting sick. It was tough, it shook you up, it made you sad or mad - but what else did it bring you? Try to find 3 good things it brought into your life. Just sit quietly with yourself and go deep inside and ask yourself - "What good thing did this bring me?" And see if you can't find just one good thing. And then... when you've found one good thing - no matter how tiny it is - I bet you can find another good thing - and then another. Even if they are very very tiny. I find that somehow this exericse opens my mind to new ways of seeing what's going on in my life - always bring new good to me!