Barbara's Blog

Ways to be kind to you

Many years ago I wrote a book (called Gateway to Grace) and I started by writing:

"Take the time / make the space / to go within / and feel the Grace"

And it's still true today. Especially when you think about being kind to you! Are you being kind to you? If you are feeling bad, I found out that this is a very good question to ask. Are you nurturing you? Are you taking care of you? People pleasers tend to take care of everyone else but themselves because they believe that this is the way to being "loving and kind". I've been there, done that... and I know it always ALWAYS backfires...

So why not give yourself some time and some space... why not make a list of things you can do for you - today - and do them!

Here's my list for today: Give myself time, give myself space, give myself understanding, give myself support, give myself love, give myself comfort, give myself acceptance, stop expecting me to be what I am not, slow down... take 15 minutes to meditate 2 times today... and just breathe and be here now!

Love you!

The disease to please

I am reading an incredible book - "The Disease to Please" - by Harriet B. Braiker... it's really enlightening and embarrassing reading, at least for me. I highly recommend it, especially if you are one of those people who spends your life trying to make other people happy. (Sounds familiar?)

The book takes a close look at how we get sucked into being "nice" ... so nice that we forget to take care of ourselves. The cool thing about the book is that the author takes a really close look at the underlying beliefs we have that suck us into this "people-pleasing" syndrome. And she looks at the amazing tyranny of  all our "shoulds". Plus she explores our need for perfection and for love and approval at any cost.  It's a real eye-opener.

The Work of Byron Katie

Do you know about "The Work" of Byron Katie? Because if you don't I highly recommend it...! It's an amazingly simple technique we can all use to understand ourselves and our thinking. She's developed what she calls inquiry - 4 simple questions and a turnaround - and you can ask yourself or another person these questions any time you find yourself feeling unhappy, afraid, worried or stressed. What you do is find out what is bothering you and then write down the thoughts on a piece of paper... and then ask yourself, slowly and quietly, each of these questions about each of the thought.

1. Is is true?

2. Can you absolutely know that it is true?

3. How does it make you feel when you believe this thought?

4. Who would you be if you didn't, couldn't believe this thought?

5. The turnaround (a statement that is the exact opposite of the original thought). Could this be as true or truer than your original thought?

To find the hidden gold and the truth - your truth - you have to let the questions settle in and really go deep to find your own answers. And be honest with yourself - and gentle. For more about this amazing tool read her book "Loving What Is" by Byron Katie! Or check out her Web site... www.thework.com or watch some of the videos with her doing The Work on YouTube. And have fun!

The tyranny of the "shoulds"

Will you join me in a campaign against the tyranny of the "shoulds"??? Just think about it, is your life off track because you are overwhelmed by all the things you think you "should" do, be, feel... and you quite honestly don't?  Are you beating yourself up because of your own unrealistic expectations to who you are in relation to who you believe you "should" be...

I know I'm really in crisis over this... looking at all the "shoulds" that I'm driving myself crazy with... and now... I've decided to make a dedicated effort to become aware of and let go of as many of the "shoulds" as possible.... And just love me for being me.... I wonder if it's possible! What about you? What's your experience...? Would you like to share it with me??? I'd appreciate it!