Afraid of anger

Are you afraid of expressing your anger? Afraid of letting other people know when things are not OK with you? Afraid of setting limits? Well if you are, welcome to the club! Even though I've lived a long and eventful life, I am just now learning that expressing anger is a really big problem for me. Somehow I got the idea that if I was "spiritual", I always had to be "loving and kind". And "loving and kind" somehow got translated in my brain to mean not expressing anger. And since I never was good at expressing my anger, it turned out that I wasn't very good at setting limits and taking care of myself. So life - oh the kindness of life - is teaching me, even though it sometimes feels like I am learning the hard way!

So I am discovering that expressing anger is not the same as criticizing someone or telling them that they are a stupid bastard. Expressing anger can be a very positive thing to do when it means taking care of yourself or setting limits... As far as I can see now, it means saying things like... "I can understand that you might feel this way... and the answer is NO." It means saying no without feeling guilty. It means setting limits without invading another person's right to feel and do whatever they are feeling and doing - but without letting them invade your territory. I am also finding out that this also means looking into yourself and truly finding out who you are and what is really OK with you... it's a lifelong process I can see... but a truly worthwhile one. Especially when you start to realize that not setting limits and expressing when things are not OK with you leads to terrible anxiety. 

Comments

[Mihkel]

If this situation wasn't important to You, You wouldn't feel angry. You told once that if You consider Yourself as a dead person, You would found that there is no thing in the reality to make You angry. And You also once said that the only way to get rid of the saddness is to feel sad. I believe same goes to anger, and sadly also for happiness, expressing happiness is like burning Your high.