I am a failure when I feel bad...

Did you ever have that thought? That you are a failure when you feel bad? That it's not OK to feel bad. That you're not good enough when you feel bad?

I know I have this thought and feeling a lot and maybe you do too. Today it struck me how incredibly cruel this thought/feeling is and how I'm doing it to myself. How I'm beating myself up with this thought. And how did that happen? Where did I get such a cruel thought? How did it happen that I could believe something so insane as this? I know I would never treat another person or a child like this so why do I do it to myself?

I've been thinking about this all day and here's what I've discovered so far. Thinking that we're a failure if we feel bad is one of those awful and incredibly unkind messages we are getting all the time from our society.  It's like we only look up to and admire the good performers, the people who are beautiful and successful and on top of the world. It's like saying we have to be OK, well, healthy, beautiful, successful and strong to be one of God's children. But is there anywhere that God said that? Is there anywhere that God says that He'll only love us if we're succesful and that if we feel bad we're failures? And beyond the love of God...?

And when I look at it a little closer, I found out another thing. The feeling bad bit is closely linked to the waking up to reality bit. In fact they go hand in hand. The feeling bad, the pain, they force you to look within, they force you to ask questions, they force to be humble and get down on your knees - and that's something that success never does! So it's interesting isn't it? This feeling bad bit. Could it be that it's the Grace of God - only we don't see it that way? Could it be God shining His Light and Love on us and calling us to go up higher - only we don't see it? Is that why it feels so painful because we don't see it - until we finally surrender. Because it's not like we have a choice - do we? It's not like we have a say when it comes to feeling bad. No one chooses to feel bad... it just chooses us.

So maybe we should reconsider next time we think we're failures when we feel bad. Maybe we're not failures at all... maybe we're the Blessed Children of God and  should look for the gifts instead.