How can we promise to be faithful?

I heard two women I know on TV talking about infidelity and I was thinking there is something basically ”wrong” or lacking with what they’re saying and then I realized what it was – they’re not talking about REALITY! They were only talking about their stories and other people’s stories about relationships and infidelity.

The reality about relationships is “we don’t know”! That’s it. Plain and simple. People come together and people part. That’s what happens That's the reality. The fact that people get married and sign up for “eternal” faithfulness through thick and through thin is just a story that the collective consciousness of humanity has made up – but the reality it quite different. Nobody knows what’s going to happen tomorrow. Nobody even knows what’s going to happen in 5 minutes, so how can anyone promise faithfulness to another person when they don’t and can’t possibly know how they are going to feel in 5 minutes time? It’s really quite amazing and rather ridiculous when you think about it.

Here are some realities (as far as I can see):

1)       We love someone until we don’t love them anymore.

2)       We can’t force anyone to love us.

3)       People either love us or they don’t.

4)       Whether people love us or they don’t has nothing to do with us.

5)       Things change.

6)       People change.

7)       Everything changes – the weather, our feelings, our thoughts, the government, the kind of food we like, everything…

Here are some of our crazy beliefs about relationships that have nothing to do with the way things are:

1)       We should love each other forever

2)       We should be faithful to each other

3)       Marriage is a holy institution

4)       We should be able to promise eternal faithfulness to one person for the rest of our lives

5)       We should only love one person!

6)       We shouldn’t change our minds

No wonder we have trouble with our relationships. We expect the impossible.

And as far as infidelity is concerned, here’s my question. As far as I can see, if you really love someone, then you want them to do what they want and you want them to be happy. So if the man (or woman) you love comes home and says he/she fell in love with someone else, shouldn’t you be happy that the person you love is happy…? Shouldn't you say "darling that's wonderful, tell me all about it!"

Comments

[litsong]

hey,
glad to see this post.

living in this sleep-talking society we see way too many people citing others as if that's the universal law, or their truth. Speaking from your core, let yourself be heard is a grand thing to celebrate. Simply put, it rings with the vibes and sure taste delicious, to me.

The changes in me since i stop saying what i used to take as "should", is that it becomes clear to me when people are speaking or expressing their opinions, i could feel it is "real" or sleeptalking".
and then, i let the sleepers sleep and the reality hugger share the dance of an encounter we both choose to play in.

LIfe becomes simple and clear (more so at least) for me.

I do appreciate you raise this unspoken counter point and i printed it for my friends who are not familiar with these truth yet come around in life to know that from their own pain and growth.

thank you.