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Yesterday when my friend Janus and I were talking about going through a crisis and all the crises we've been through in our lives, he said to me, "You know Barbara, your imperfection is your expertise!" And it went straight to my heart and I laughed and laughed. Isn't that just wonderful to know. I just love it!
But we believe the opposite... we believe that: Me and my thoughts are the same!
This is the core belief we suffer from. This is the race sleep. We identify with out thoughts. We think we ARE our thoughts...
Who would you be without the thought: You and your thoughts are the same! This is an amazing insight - to understand this core belief. Just think of the freedom that would arise. You would wake up and laugh.
You would realize that.... Me and my thoughts are not the same! You would see that your thoughts are just your thoughts... and your identification with your thoughts would lessen or even stop...
This is the great breakthrough in consciousness that is taking place for many of us right now. And this is what we can learn from meditation - because in meditation we see and experience the difference between the observing/witnessing consciousness and our thoughts. And this is what waking up is all about... Suddenly we see and understand that there is consciousness and then thoughts arise in this consciousness. But up until we wake up and see this, we believe that we and our thoughts are the same. And as long as we identify with our thoughts, we suffer.
When we understand this we also begin to see that our thoughts don't mean a thing! They're just thoughts and they come and they go... And with this understanding you can go within and look at all your stuff and come out smiling. Because you can see it's just "stuff"... and "stuff" doesn't mean a thing! You have maybe been taking all your "stuff" very seriously all your life (I know I have) but when you wake up one sunny day and see that all your "stuff" doesn't mean a thing... well then life is fun and you realize that you're perfectly OK and always have been and always will be!
Love you!
Jorrit Timmermans from the Project Network in Holland (www.theprojectnetwork.nl) was here the last few days to interview me (and Tim) in preparation for our visit to Holland when my new book (Are You Happy Now? 10 Ways to Live a Happy Life) is released there this summer. We are going to be giving a lecture and workshop which Jorrit will be arranging.
Anyway when he was leaving yesterday I asked him how the reality of meeting us was compared to what he had expected and this is what he said. He expected me to be "taller - more serious - have more money - and be more bossy"! Don't you just love it? The way our minds work....
And Tim said to Jorrit that he expected him to "have longer hair and be a playboy"!
We had a wonderful time as you can see. He's going to put the interview up on YouTube when he gets home so I'll let you know when it's up.
Enjoy your stories...!
Here's a good exercise... Make a list of all the things you do - for example in relation to your partner/boyfriend/girlfriend, husband/wife that you wouldn't dream of doing if you didn't care whether they liked you or not!
It's a very revealing exercise (and embarrassing)... you can do it in relation to your children or to your good friends. Try making a list and be honest. You don't have to show it to anybody.
Then think about what would happen if you stopped doing these things. Would these people stop liking/loving you or what? It's very interesting what we can find out when we question the things we do for love.
And sooner or later we discover 3 things: 1) Love is our nature and 2) There's nothing we can do to make people love us! 3) People either love us or they don't...
Have fun!
Here's a conversation I had with my ex-boyfriend only about a million times... He'd want me to do something with him - like go somewhere - and I'd say no thank you. Then he'd accuse me of being selfish and only thinking about myself because I didn't want to do what he wanted to do. Then I'd say are you sure it's me who's being selfish since you are the one who is upset because I'm not doing what YOU want me to do! No, he'd reply, he wasn't being selfish... and then he would stubbornly maintain that if I didn't do what he wanted me to do, I was being selfish. Don't you just love it!
Is that true? Is it true that you can't feel bad and be conscious at the same time?
It seems to be this is one of the beliefs that a lot of people in alternative circles share - that if you are conscious, you'll always feel happy. As far as I can see the truth is something else. For most of us - becoming conscious is a process - it's not something that just happens overnight. (Though it does seem to happen like that for a few people like Eckhart Tolle and Byron Katie). But for most of us, waking up to reality (which is what I mean by being conscious) is something that happens over a long period of time. In fact it can take years. And during this process, we often feel bad (at least that's my experience). Some days we experience increasing clarity and some days we feel really lousy. We may even have long periods when a lot of our old beliefs and emotions are coming up into the light of consciousness and in times like that it can be very intense. Again, that is my experience. And it's all part of the process of waking up. And as we wake up, more and more of our old patterns and deeper and deeper layers come up to the surface to be cleared. Then we see what's confused and crazy in our belief systems and as we slowly release these patterns, we can feel both terrible and elated...
So yes, you can feel bad and be conscious at the same time! (The moral here is don't beat yourself up more than necessary as you go through your process...)
I heard two women I know on TV talking about infidelity and I was thinking there is something basically ”wrong” or lacking with what they’re saying and then I realized what it was – they’re not talking about REALITY! They were only talking about their stories and other people’s stories about relationships and infidelity.
The reality about relationships is “we don’t know”! That’s it. Plain and simple. People come together and people part. That’s what happens That's the reality. The fact that people get married and sign up for “eternal” faithfulness through thick and through thin is just a story that the collective consciousness of humanity has made up – but the reality it quite different. Nobody knows what’s going to happen tomorrow. Nobody even knows what’s going to happen in 5 minutes, so how can anyone promise faithfulness to another person when they don’t and can’t possibly know how they are going to feel in 5 minutes time? It’s really quite amazing and rather ridiculous when you think about it.
Here are some realities (as far as I can see):
1) We love someone until we don’t love them anymore.
2) We can’t force anyone to love us.
3) People either love us or they don’t.
4) Whether people love us or they don’t has nothing to do with us.
5) Things change.
6) People change.
7) Everything changes – the weather, our feelings, our thoughts, the government, the kind of food we like, everything…
Here are some of our crazy beliefs about relationships that have nothing to do with the way things are:
1) We should love each other forever
2) We should be faithful to each other
3) Marriage is a holy institution
4) We should be able to promise eternal faithfulness to one person for the rest of our lives
5) We should only love one person!
6) We shouldn’t change our minds
No wonder we have trouble with our relationships. We expect the impossible.
And as far as infidelity is concerned, here’s my question. As far as I can see, if you really love someone, then you want them to do what they want and you want them to be happy. So if the man (or woman) you love comes home and says he/she fell in love with someone else, shouldn’t you be happy that the person you love is happy…? Shouldn't you say "darling that's wonderful, tell me all about it!"
We just put Tim's fantastic book "Starbrow - A Spiritual Adventure" on our Web site. So now you can read or download the whole book for free. It's a PDF file... Enjoy! Love Barbara
To download Starbrow in English:http://www.beamteam.com/en/tim/Starbrow_English.pdf
To download Starbrow in Danish: http://www.beamteam.com/dk/tim/Starbrow_DK.pdf
I've gotten quite a few emails from people reacting to Carola's amazing story (on my blog yesterday)... Her story really seems to strike home. And it's fascinating isn't it. Here's a woman who has been worried her whole life about finding a man, losing weight, getting a better house and all the other things we mortals worry about. And then one day the doctor tells her it's game over... she's going to die... and what happens. She stops worrying! She stops thinking about the future. She stops thinking about all the things she thinks she 'should' do to live a happy life and then she discovers BINGO... the happiness she was looking for all the time was right here all along. And she says she felt so peaceful... isn't this amazing. It seems to me that Carola made the most incredible discovery a human being can make. She got it. She was enlightened - at least for a while! And then the doctor said she wasn't going to die and all her worries came back....
Well if you want to read more about this, you will probably enjoy my new book Are You Happy Now? 10 Ways to Live a Happy Life... I tried to write about all this in my new book - about all the 'shoulds' we have and all the things we think we must do that prevent from discovering the happiness that is right here, right now. Wouldn't it be nice if we could learn to be as present as Carola was without having a doctor tell us we're going to die!
My friend from Holland Carola (age 36, a nurse) wrote this to me:
“I will tell you about one of my life lessons I learned the last few years. After I fell ill (sarcoidosis) in 2003 I first felt very blessed and guided by God. But the longer it took the more restless and angry I got. The first year of my illness, I was not able to do many things because my lungs were very bad and I had inflammations throughout my body that made me sick and tired. I also took the medicine Prednison (that did not help) and my head and the trunk of my body grew and grew like a balloon. In 2005 the doctors let me quit the Prednison and I became thinner. During that time they discovered that my liver was much too big and my blood indicated that there was something very wrong. I kept saying that it was the sacoidosis but the doctors didn't believe me. After a few months I got worried too and was afraid because I had symptoms of liver cirrhosis, I had spider naevi on my arms and chest. And all the doctors always looked very worried. Then in February 2007 I was told that I had liver cirrhosis and that the only thing that would help me was a new liver. I still remember the face and the words of that student doctor. I decided that I don't want a new liver because IF they could find one and IF it would match, I still wouldn't grow old because a donor organ only lasts for +/-10 years and for me that would be 10 years with all the medication and still I would have sarcoidosis in my body. So, that was it. I would not live very long anymore.
And then the strangest thing happened. It started with a piece from the Bible my mom gave me, it said something like; "don't believe the words of people but only my words". That made me strong (I am not a big Bible reader but I do believe in God). And in the days and weeks that followed I was so happy and relieved because all my 'Í should, I have to, I musts' went away. Because of my situation, I didn't have to worry anymore about finances, about finding a man, finding a new house (I don't like my house), about trying to work but not being able to because of my illness. I didn’t have to worry about going on a diet and not having a car although I want one, etc. etc. (The only thing I worried about was finding a good home for my cat!!). I had always lived my life feeling so bad about myself, feeling not worthy, feeling fat, feeling stupid because I couldn’t find a man etc. AND IT ALL STOPPED!!! And because I didn't have to worry anymore I started to enjoy my life, the little things, like drinking coffee, listening to the birds, being quiet, and I started to buy flowers for myself and cooking nice meals. I felt so peaceful!!! Then, at the end of March I asked for a real doctor (not a student doctor) because if I really was that ill I would not trust a student doctor so they 'gave' me the professor and he looked at all my tests and talked to my other doctor's and concluded that I did not have liver cirrhosis........................ and that I could grow old. My liver is in a bad shape but it will not kill me.
Of course I was very happy to hear this, but during the following days I felt sort of disappointed. And my worries game back! Now I had to find a house, a job, a man....... During the time when I thought I was going to die, I was happy and free from the 'I have to' and I 'shoulds'!! And that made me see that we have to live life like it is our last day. And live NOW. That period made me realize that I had to change my thinking and so I started looking for books, etc. And then, one day I found your book Fast Food for the Soul and my life started to change!!!!!!! But that's another story!!!!!!! Big hug, Carola”
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