Barbara's Blog

Bollum talks to Barbara about making more money (again)!

Here’s the latest from bit of sweet talk between the voices in my head (Bollum and Barbara)...

Bollum: You should be making more money Barbara.

Barbara: That’s what you said last week.

Bollum: But it’s true, you should.

Barbara: More money than what?

Bolllum: More money that you’re making right now stupid!

Barbara: But I’m not.

Bollum: I noticed and it sucks.

Barbara: What sucks?

Bollum: The fact that you’re not making more money.

Barbara: Like how does it suck?

Bollum: Well we could starve.

Barbara: You said that before too.

Bollum: Well nothing’s changed and the world economy is going to the dogs!

Barbara: You said that before too.

Bollum: But you’re obviously not listening… I want you to listen!

Barbara: I am listening and you’re giving me a headache!

Bollum: Well it’s important!

Barbara: Is it important to give me a headache?

Bollum: No stupid, listening to me is important!

Barbara: Why is listening to you important, you’re driving me crazy.

Bollum: Well if you listen to me you might do something!

Barbara: I was doing something!

Bollum: Like what?

Barbara: I was having a good time.

Bollum: A good time – when the world is going under!

Barbara: Everything looks fine to me.

Bollum: You’re hopeless… If only I could talk some sense into you.

Barbara: Your idea of sense gives me a headache.

Bollum: But life isn’t a dance on roses my dear.

Barbara: No?

Bollum: Now stop being silly will you?

Barbara: I’m not being silly. Life looks pretty good to me… as far as I can see.

Bollum: You must be totally blind. Can’t you see what’s going on?

Barbara: Yes perfectly. I was sitting here having a perfectly good time until you showed up.

Bollum: Now you’re insulting my intelligence!

Barbara: Well what’s so intelligent about wanting me to overlook the beauty of this moment?

Bollum: You can’t just live on this moment.

Barbara: Really? I didn’t know there was any other option!

Bollum: Of course there is girl. You’ve got to be serious and make plans.

Barbara: I am serious and my plan is to be here now and enjoy the beauty of this moment.

Bollum: But a plan like that will get you nowhere.

Barbara: And where exactly should I go.

Bollum: Forward silly!

Barbara: Forward?

Bollum: You know, make more money so we’ll be secure and happy tomorrow.

Barbara: What about being secure and happy right now!

Bollum: You can’t live forever on that!

Barbara: Are you sure?

Bollum talks to Barbara - about the financial crisis

Here's another bit of sweet talk between the voices in my head (Bollum and Barbara)... It's true, I'm just like Gollum/Smeagol... he he he

Bollum: It’s just terrible. I don’t know what we’re going to do!

Barbara: About what?

Bollum: About the financial crisis, you nitwit… don’t you read the newspapers?

Barbara: Yes, I do read the newspapers…

Bollum: Well then you should know, this is a very serious situation, we could starve.

Barbara: Really?

Bollum: Yes my dear… STARVE!

Barbara: Well last time I looked (5 minutes ago), I had plenty of food in my refrigerator.

Bollum: Oh I’m not talking about now silly! I’m talking about the future.

Barbara: Oh I see. Well I don’t know about the future.

Bollum: Obviously, that’s why I think we need a plan.

Barbara: A plan for what?

Bollum: A plan to survive.

Barbara: Oh so you think we can make a plan to survive the financial crisis?

Bollum: Of course we can.

Barbara: Really? Well what do you think we should do Mr. WiseGuy – go out and force people to buy my books at gunpoint?

Bollum: Now you’re just being silly.

Barbara: Well what do you mean?

Bollum: Well first of all, you’ve got to start by saving.

Barbara: Really? What should I save? I don’t buy anything to begin with.

Bollum: Well you know, cut down on frivolous stuff like expensive make-up and designer clothes and travels to exotic places… you know.

Barbara: Well I don’t use expensive makeup or wear designer clothes or go on exotic travels to begin with… you know that… according to you all I do is bliss out on my sofa…

Bollum: Hmm

Barbara: So what else can I do?

Bollum: You know this makes me really worried. There must be something you can cut down on?

Barbara: I’m sure there is.

Bollum: But you know the danger is with everyone cutting down on their consumption the whole economy will come to a standstill…

Barbara: Well that’s what they say but you know I was thinking that this slowdown must be good for the environment… you know with everyone consuming less…

Bollum: Oh come on!

Barbara: No I’m serious. Just think about how good this is for the environment. Factories are making less so there’s less waste and less CO2 emission and people are buying fewer cars and travelling less so there’s less CO2 emission and…

Bollum: I never thought about that…

Barbara: Well maybe you should. Maybe this so-called financial crisis is Mother Earth’s way of making a much needed adjustment.

Bollum: Really?

Barbara: Well if we can’t cut down on our ridiculous over-consumption and stop trashing the planet by ourselves, maybe Mother Earth is doing it for us.

Bollum: But what about all the people who are out of work and who might starve?

Barbara: Well maybe that’s Mother Earth’s way of telling us to get our act together and start taking better care of the planet and of each other too… instead of just reading fashion magazines and thinking about ourselves…

Bollum: Oh there you go again…

Bollum talks to Barbara - about being single

Bollum: Everyone knows it's better to be in a relationship than to be single.

Barbara: They do?

Bollum: Of course. Why do you think everyone's trying to find a partner?

Barbara: I just read that 51% of the women in the US are now single. So there are more single women in the US than there are women in relationships... and there are 1,000,000 singles in Denmark (with a population of 5,000,000) and 200,000 singles in Copenhagen alone...

Bollum: Well just think how many women there are out there who are trying to find partners! It must be great for single men!

Barbara: Well what if they don't want partners?

Bollum: But of course they do?

Barbara: All 51% of them?

Bollum: Yes all 51% of them...

Barbara: You mean to say there isn't one woman out there who is happy being single?

Bollum: I doubt it very much.

Barbara: But you can't know for sure can you?

Bollum: Well I guess not - but how can anyone be single and happy at the same time?

Barbara: Well I'm single and pretty happy...

Bollum: Oh you... but you're so weird Barbara, you know that?

Barbara: Really? So I'm weird because I'm single and sometimes happy!

Bollum: Definitely. No one can find happiness without another person.

Barbara: But is that true?

Bollum: Absolutely.

Barbara: Well if what you are saying is true, it means that millions of women (and men too) are doomed to unhappiness for the rest of their lives because they don't have a partner.

Bollum: Yup! That's why I keep telling you to go online and find a partner Barbara. It's important for your happiness!

Barbara: So what you are really saying is that my happiness depends on someone else?

Bollum: Yup that's exactly what I'm saying!

Barbara: And that my happiness has nothing to do with me?

Bollum: Well a little... I mean you've got to be a sweet person too...

Barbara: Oh... so now you're saying my happiness has a little bit to do with me...

Bollum: Well sometimes... but now you're twisting my words around. I just want you to go out there and meet a man and have some fun girl!

Barbara: But why do I need a man to have fun?

Bollum: Oh sometimes you are so dense girl - don't you read the women's magazines? You've got to have a man to have fun, that's all they write about... pick up any magazine and you'll see what I'm talking about...

Barbara: Yeah that's why I don't read women's magazines... I don't want my happiness ruined by their ridiculous ideas... they don't know what they're talking about as far as I can see. My happiness depends on what's going on in my head - not on any man...

Bollum: Oh there you go again with all this mind stuff. No wonder no man wants to be with you!

Barbara: What do you mean by that?

Bollum: Well you're always saying that your happiness is up to you...

Barbara: Well it is...

Bollum: Well what man could live with that! Men want women to make them happy! Any idiot knows that!

Barbara: Yeah... which is exactly why I don't want to hang out with most men...

Bollum: Oh you're hopeless... hopeless...

Barbara: Yeah me and all the rest of us single women!

Bollum talks to Barbara - about making plans

Bollum: Barbara, you’ve got to take control of your life girl!

Barbara: Really?

Bollum: Yes really! What a question! If you don’t take control, things will get out of hand.

Barbara: Really? Is it true?

Bollum: Of course it’s true my precious. You have to get a grip and take charge of your life.

Barbara: I do?

Bollum: Of course you do.

Barbara: So what do you suggest?

Bollum: Well first of all you have to make a plan.

Barbara: A plan?

Bollum: You have to have a clear goal and make a plan on how to achieve it.

Barbara: Really? I’m doing just fine the way I am.

Bollum: Oh come on girl. Without a plan – without a clear roadmap as to how you are going to move forward in life – you’ll never get anywhere.

Barbara: But why would I want to go anywhere? I’m perfectly happy right where I am.

Bollum: How can you be perfectly happy right now? No one knows you, you’re not famous or rich or anything. You’re just a middle-aged woman who likes to lie on her sofa a lot. You’re an absolute nothing.

Barbara: Well it’s true I’m not rich or famous or anything and I do like to lie on my sofa a lot, feeling perfectly happy! So I can’t see why I need a plan.

Bollum: Well a plan will help you go somewhere.

Barbara: But I just told you, I don’t want to go anywhere.

Bollum: You seem to think everything’s perfect right here.

Barbara: Yes that’s true. Everything is perfect right here.

Bollum: Well I don’t see it!

Barbara: Obviously you don’t see it but I do!

Bollum: What’s so perfect about this moment?

Barbara: What’s not so perfect about this moment?

Bollum: Well you could have more.

Barbara: More of what?

Bollum: More of everything!

Barbara: And why would I want more of everything?

Bollum: Because then you’d be happy!

Barbara: But I told you I’m already happy!

Bollum: But how can you be happy with so little?

Barbara: What does "having stuff" have to do with happiness?

Bollum: Well you have to "have stuff" to be happy, everyone knows that.

Barbara: Really? That’s not my experience. In my experience, happiness is what I am.

Bollum: Oh now you’ve really lost me…

Barbara: Obviously!

Who knows what is good or bad

Talking about judging what’s best reminds me of the wonderful story in Steve Hagen’s book "Buddhism plain and simple" about the Chinese farmer whose horse runs away. "When his neighbor came to console him the farmer said, ‘Who knows what’s good or bad?’

When his horse returned the next day with a herd of horses following her, the foolish neighbor came to congratulate him on his good fortune.

‘Who knows what’s good or bad?’ said the farmer.

Then, when the farmer’s son broke his leg trying to ride one of the new horses, the foolish neighbor came to console him again.

‘Who knows what’s good or bad?’ said the farmer.

When the army passed through, conscripting men for the war, they passed over the farmer’s son because of his broken leg. When the foolish man came to congratulate the farmer that his son would be spared, again the farmer said, ‘Who knows what’s good or bad?’"