Barbara's Blog

Bollum talks to Barbara about being sick

Bollum: This could be really serious Barbara.

Barbara: I doubt it.

Bollum: Well you shouldn’t. You should take it seriously.

Barbara: Well I think I am taking it seriously.

Bollum: You should be taking it more seriously.

Barbara: Really? Why?

Bollum: Well what if it’s major?

Barbara: Major?

Bollum: Yeah, you know what if you’re really sick. What if it’s like cancer or a brain tumour?

Barbara: Well that’s why I’m going to the doctor—to find out.

Bollum: But you should be taking it more seriously too.

Barbara: Like how? Isn’t going to the doctor taking it pretty seriously?

Bollum: No, that’s not enough.

Barbara: Well what more should I do?

Bollum: You should be screaming and crying and pulling out your hair! That’s what you should be doing.

Barbara: Oh, I see. And how will that help?

Bollum: Well it will mean you’re really taking things seriously.

Barbara: Really?

Bollum: Yeah. It’s important to be serious girl, you know that.

Barbara: Really? Why?

Bollum: Because you’ve got to get ready girl.

Barbara: Really? Ready for what?

Bollum: Ready for life silly.

Barbara: But I thought I was already living life.

Bollum: That’s not what I mean.

Barbara: Well what do you mean?

Bollum: I mean you’ve got to be prepared.

Barbara: Prepared?

Bollum: Yeah prepared. Because you never know what’s going to happen.

Barbara: I can see that.

Bollum: So you’ve got to be prepared!

Barbara: Well how exactly can I do that since we never know what’s going to happen?

Bollum: Well you can take care.

Barbara: Take care?

Bollum: Yes, take care.

Barbara: And how exactly should I do that?

Bollum: Well you know, eat good, get a good night’s sleep, drive carefully, pay the rent, go to work, make money, try to find a boyfriend You know, take care.

Barbara: Well aren’t I already doing all of that? And I still feel sick.

Bollum: Yeah and that’s why I’m afraid it’s something major. You’re probably doomed.

Barbara: Doomed?

Bollum: Yeah, you’re probably going to die soon.

Barbara: Oh you are cheerful today.

Bollum: Well to be honest, I don’t have much hope for you.

Barbara: That’s obvious.

Bollum: So I can’t see why you’re so cheerful…

Barbara: Well since I’m doomed and I’m going to die soon and there’s nothing I can do about it, I might as well be cheerful!

Bollum: No you should be crying and screaming and pulling your hair out like I said before.

Barbara: That doesn’t sound like a very good way to end my life. I think I’d rather be cheerful and go see a doctor first.

Bollum: AHHHHHHH! (Pulling out her hair)

Bollum talks to Barbara about improving this moment

Bollum: There are so many things you could do to improve this moment Barbara.

Barbara: Really? Like what?

Bollum: Well you could clean up the apartment and wash your hair and sort out the papers in your office and…

Barbara: Hold it, hold it, just hold it for a moment.

Bollum: And pay your bills and get ready for work tomorrow…

Barbara: Hold it, hold it… will you please!

Bollum: And exercise and …

Barbara: Will you please just give me a moment to say something.

Bollum: OK well what?

Barbara: OK well what does any of that have to do with improving this moment?

Bollum: Well improving yourself and your life is what this moment is for, silly.

Barbara: Really?

Bollum: Yes really. What else could it be for?

Barbara: Well what about enjoying this moment for what it is.

Bollum: Oh there you go again.

Barbara: What do you mean?

Bollum: There you go again with all your talk about enjoying the beauty of this moment.

Barbara: Well what’s wrong with that?

Bollum: A lot. I mean what’s so great about this moment?

Barbara: A lot.

Bollum: Like what?

Barbara: Like for example we’re alive and this is it.

Bollum: Well you’ll be alive in the future and then that will be it.

Barbara: Can you be sure about that?

Bollum: Well hopefully for your sake!

Barbara: You’re always pushing me and trying to get me to get all worked up about tomorrow. Why can’t you ever get all worked up about today?

Bollum: Because today is so boring.

Barbara: Really?

Bollum: Yeah. The now is so boring, but tomorrow – well tomorrow will be just great if only you’d get busy preparing yourself for it.

Barbara: Really? It seems to me I’ve spent my whole life preparing for tomorrow and now I want to enjoy today.

Bollum: But what about success? What about getting fit? What about making your home a showcase? What about finding a man? What about…

Barbara: Yeah what about it? And what about now? What about this moment? What about just slowing down a bit and breathing into this moment? What about noticing the abundance and fullness of this! And this. And this!

Bollum: Yeah yeah yeah, there you go again. What good is anything of this going to do us? Can you tell me that?

Barbara: What good, well this is the Good! This is the good I’m seeking. It’s right here.

Bollum: You are hopeless! Hopeless! What am I going to do with you?

Barbara: Hopefully nothing!

Bollum: Yeah… nothing. How can you be satisfied with so little?

Barbara: What do you mean? I have so much right now. In fact I have everything. All the wealth of the world belongs to me. You’re just so busy improving yourself that you never notice it!

Bollum: Look sweetheart, I just want you to be happy.

Barbara: But I am happy! That’s what I’ve been trying to tell you all along!

Bollum: But how can you be happy without a man and without being a success and without having money in the bank and without…

Barbara: What does any of that have to do with being happy?

Bollum: HELP!

Bollum talks to Barbara about finding a new relationship

Those voices in my head never stop...

Bollum: The guy you went out with the other night seems like a pretty nice man Barbara.

Barbara: Yes he was OK.

Bollum: Well that’s great.

Barbara: Why is that great?

Bollum: Because now you have someone you can be in a relationship with!

Barbara: A relationship? Why would I want to be in a relationship with someone like him?

Bollum: Well you just said he was nice.

Barbara: What does nice have to do with?

Bollum: Well you have to be with someone?

Barbara: I do.

Bollum: Yes woman. You can’t spend the rest of your life living alone.

Barbara: Really. Why not?

Bollum: Well it’s scary to live alone, you know that.

Barbara: What’s scary about living alone? I thought it was even more scary living with someone the last time I tried it!

Bollum: But that was your own fault woman. You were too stubborn, hanging on to your career and ideas like you did. You know you have to make compromises if you live with a man. You just can’t have everything your way.

Barbara: So I noticed.

Bollum: Yes you have to compromise if you want it to work.

Barbara: But is that really true?

Bollum: Of course it’s really true. Everyone knows that. You have to give up a lot of things to live in a relationship. How many times have I told you that?

Barbara: Well why would I want to do that? Give up the things that are important to me?

Bollum: Because that’s what people do.

Barbara: I can see that, but why would I want to do that?

Bollum: Because like I said, you can’t go on living alone.

Barbara: Why not?

Bollum: Well how will you manage?

Barbara: Manage? What do you mean by that? I pay my rent don’t I? And buy my own food. What does that have to do with being in a relationship?

Bollum: Well that’s OK for now, but what if something serious happens? Who is going to take care of you then?

Barbara: What about me?

Bollum: Well what if you can’t take care of yourself?

Barbara: Well I have friends and family and I live in a country where there is a support system for people who can’t take care of themselves.

Bollum: I know, but that’s not the same as someone who loves you.

Barbara: But isn’t that love?

Bollum: Hmm… well maybe it is, but that’s not the kind of love I was talking about. I was talking about the "man-woman" type of love silly. The kind of love that knocks you off your feet. You know the "one and only" kind of love that they sing about in the love songs. You know the kind of love that really breaks your heart when it’s gone!

Barbara: Oh that kind. Yeah I’ve tried that kind of love and it always makes me feel like I can’t breathe…

Bollum: Sometimes I just don’t understand you. You and your freedom! Can’t you see that if you had that kind of love, you’d be willing to sacrifice everything for it?

Barbara: Really?

Bollum: Yes really, with a man like that in your life, you could give up your career and everything and just let him take care of you for the rest of your life.

Barbara: And why would I want to do that? Why would I want to give up my career and everything that’s important to me for a man?

Bollum: Because that’s what women do silly!

Barbara:  I know but it sure doesn’t sound like love to me, it sounds more like suicide!